The fire in my belly...where all the "healthy" started

Since becoming sick for 7 months straight 2 weeks after my youngest daughter was born a little over 3 years ago, I have paid MUCH more attention to medicine. When she was 2 weeks old I got a sinus infection, no biggy you go to the doctor and get an antibiotic and presto-chango you are all better. Not so much. 7 months and 4 rounds of antibiotics that didn't help me one fraction of a bit left me to wonder this, "Back in the day when they had their babies in fields what did they use to help these kinds of "routine" illnesses? I mean I have never heard of someone suffering with a sinus infection for 50 years!" But I didn't know what to even start looking at or where to go. After they told me that my sinuses weren't formed right and the only way to fix my infection was to stop nursing my last baby way too early and have surgery, I decided modern medicine wasn't doing it for me anymore. I wasn't going to have surgery at all. My friend urged me to go to the naturopath. She suggested food was making me sick. I thought she was off her rocker. As a way to prove her wrong I went to the naturopath. The nice lady told me that I should lay off of dairy and gluten for two weeks and she would take my blood and see what it said. In two weeks I could eat either dairy or gluten and see how my body reacted. I too thought this woman was crazy but to prove her wrong I was going to do this for two weeks.

Fast forward 2 weeks, no antibiotics, no dairy, no gluten, mysteriously no more sinus infection. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I thought antibiotics were the only thing that would take it away! That started my food/health/chemical revolution. Since July 2009 when this all started we eat very different and practice healing very different. I now no longer run to the doctor for every little thing. In the last 9 months we are totally chemical free of any over the counter medication. We haven't have an antibiotic in 3 years and I love it.

It all started with the no dairy and gluten for me and my sinuses, then next was the no artificial food dye for my kids (it made one of them have bi-polar type fits) which has escalated into no high fructose corn syrup or any petroleum based products. I now cook almost everything from scratch and we eat as much raw as possible. We eat barely any breads and a lot fewer potatoes and rice, more squash (which is easy because we grow it on our farm) just healthy in general.

Chemicals are out and natural is in. No antibiotics, no vaccines, only real food, a lot less sugar, better portions, more self control, more knowledge. It feels good and it is empowering.

Corn Season...We call it that all the way through pumpkin time, but it is so much more than just corn. It is the season in our life that stretches us beyond what we could ever imagine doing, and being. It is the most fun time of the year, the most busy time, the most stressful time, the most bonding time, it is the love-hate all in one!

I am sitting here on my couch with the 4 littles all tucked into bed and my oldest doing homework, it is November 4th and today was the last day of our season. I was ready for it to be over. As I sit here and reflect I learned a lot this year. Some was encouraging, some not as pretty.

I learned that I am a lot better project manager than I ever though I could be, not that I ever signed up for the job but I made it happen. I learned that somewhere in the last 12 years of marriage I went from being a planner stick to the rules no matter the cost kinda girl to a planner who can role with the punches when needed without flipping out, that is a major accomplishment for me.

I learned my limits and that we are just getting to be too big of an operation to do what I used to do and all of my new unplanned duties and that I need to hire and mini me to help. I learned that I am too busy and that even though "corn season" is only for 3 months that my priority still needs to be my kids and that when it isn't life is hard and missed. I learned that my 9 year old has a lot more insight to life than I knew and she shared it with me this year and she was right.

I relearned in a big way that God has my back. He showed me in multiple situations that he had an answer for me before I even realized there was a problem. It very clearly reminded me that I can trust him in all things.

I also learned that my discipline tactics are not effective with 2 of my children and that I need to change a few things and seek advice from others before we implode on each other. I learned that Abi bonds with people faster than I think and she is really emotionally attached easy. I learned that death sucks and comes unexpectedly at times, twice in the last 2 weeks. RIP Larry and Casper!

I learned that I love drama free environments. I learned that being up front and straight to the point in every situation that you are dreading is much easier than once thought. I am learning I am still developing skills and discovering who I am and what makes me tick.

I am reminded once again how unbelievably blessed I am!

The fire in my belly...Essential oil!

 So this last November I got a cold, annoying, draining but just a cold. By Thanksgiving it was almost over, soon after Thanksgiving I get another cold. More annoying this time. And by Christmas I had my 3rd cold. My friend on FB talked about thieves oil and I didn't know what that was but she had good success putting it on her children's chest and feet when they were starting to feel sick. In the morning they would be all better. I had to investigate what this was she was talking about. Long story short back in the bible days thieves would go into peoples houses that had died of the plague and steal their stuff. But in order to not get the same sickness the people in the house had died from they would rub a mix of 4 different essential oils on their bodies. I was intrigued enough to I went to the local co-op and got some and put it on. I went to bed and when I woke up all of my cold symptoms except the runny nose was gone. I ended up having that runny nose the duration of what my cold would have lasted, but no lethargy, tiredness, congestion etc. I thought their might be something to these oils. Before this incident I had used oils but really only to make my house smell pretty.

In January my friend Leah invited me to an "oils class" and since I had previously used oils with good results I thought I should go and see what they had to say. I was intrigued by what they had to say and a lot of it made sense. For example, essential oils come from plants which our body sees as food and so instead of fighting off the oils (like it does with man made chemicals) our body accepts it and absorbs it on the cellular level. So we now have natural plant matter that can help our bodies heal being absorbed INTO our cells. Hmmm, So I decide with my husbands permission to order some oils. The class I went to that night was put on by a company called DoTerra. There are many oil companies out there and there are many oils that are great and will work. What I like about DoTerra is that their essential oils are CPTG which mean Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade, their oils are pure enough to be ingested. They test their oils a minimum of 4 times before they will sell them to anyone. Now I am not a picky person for the most part, but I get snobby about a few things, I only like Jif peanut butter, not Skippy, and I will only use miracle whip not mayo, oh and if I am ingesting something or putting something on my skin (the largest organ on (in) our body I want it to be the best of the best. So I use exclusively DoTerra oils now.

I need to share some success stories I have had with oils, I can't share them all or we will be here all night. First test was Abi got a cough shortly after I got my oils. One of the oils I ordered was called "Breathe" which is a blend of a few different oils. It is good for a lot of things but a cough is one of the things it help. So Abi is coughing and wakes me up in the middle of the night. I decided to try the oils and so I put one drop of breathe on her chest and she stopped coughing for 4 hours! Needless to say at that moment cough syrup was out the window and Breathe was all I used on her for the rest of her illness.

I have been using oils regularly since January and have seen dramatic results. I have for the last three years of food intolerance's been thinking in my head how did they fix ear infections, coughs, headaches back in the day before antibiotics were around? I mean really did they get an ear infection or yeast infection and have it for the rest of their life? What about bronchitis or strep? I have never heard of anyone having strep and it lasting for the rest of their life. So I thought of the stinging nettle plant that causes itchy, stinging rash and how everywhere in nature that stinging nettles grow the fern that counteracts them grows right next to it. God is smart, he made and designed everything for a purpose (Still wondering what the purpose of mosquitoes are though). So it only stands to reason that back in the day there was something in nature that could help.

 As a mom their have been SO many times my kids have been sick and there was nothing I could do for them and felt so helpless. It is a horrible feeling. Kylie has been such a sick kid her whole life, although mainly when she was little. Obviously no oil would fix her heart and I believe there is a place and time for modern medicine (as I have used it many times before) but I also believe we abuse medicine as a whole in this country. I just talked to a friend tonight who was having some skin issues and her doctor said to her "I am not sure what is going on but just take this prednisone". WHAT? If you don't know what it is let's dig deeper and find out! I crave to know the "why" behind everything. I feel as if we (people in general and yes I am guilty too) want a quick fix, we feel like crap and we just want to feel better so we treat the symptom not the root. We don't want to or don't know how to fix the root of the problem. Maybe it is too messy to get to the root but as anyone who has done any weeding before knows, if you don't get to the root the weed keeps coming back again and again no matter how much chemical we put on it. Wow that was a soap box!

Ok back to the feeling helpless when my kids are ill. Abi, she gets migraines. Kylie did at her age too for about 2 years and they went away. I am pretty convinced it is the puberty change. Needless to say when your kid once a month out of no where gets a headache that comes on fast and furious it isn't fun. For Abi it always starts in her nose. She will randomly start crying and say her nose hurts. At first when this started happening we thought she was being drama, then she puked and we knew she was serious! Anyway the cycle begins like this each time, her nose hurts, then she gets hot and sweaty and then chills, she falls asleep then wakes up and pukes and the cycle starts over. This last about 8 hours with the cycle starting over about every hour. It sucks! So the last time she got a migraine it came on right before bed. Bob was out of town, it was a Saturday night and it was my turn to volunteer in kids church the next day. I HATE not following through on commitments but if she was sick I wouldn't have a choice, I would have to stay home. So I looked in my trusty oils book and saw that "Deep Blue" a blend of oils was recommended for migraine's. It said to put on her temples and forehead and down both sides of the back of her neck. I did that and then put "On guard" which is another oil blend from DoTerra which is kind of a protective blend if you will. One that is suppose to help fight things off. I put that on her just in case she really had the flu and not a migraine, I wasn't taking chances. I also put lavender essential oil on her back and kind of gave her a back massage. Lavender is relaxing. So I did all of that because I was still new to all of this and I honestly didn't know if it was going to work but I figured it couldn't hurt and selfishly it made me feel like a better mom for trying something. I went to bed right away because I knew it was going to be a long night of getting up every hour. Imagine my surprise when I woke up...THE NEXT MORNING!!!! She didn't wake up at all that night, didn't puke AND slept through the night. On a normal night she wakes up a lot (insomnia? There is an oil for that too!) I couldn't believe that after 2 years of watching her suffer almost every month with these 8 hour migraines and no way to help her that a few essential oils would do the trick! Yep, I am a believer!

I would be sold if that was all they did, but wait there is more! Yes I intended that to sound like an infomercial. It has helped my kids sleep better. Lavender helps with that but the blend called "serenity" does too. Abi used to take a melatonin every night just to sleep. Now we rub 1 drop of serenity on her and it has the same effect. I noticed the biggest difference in Jorja, our little Tasmanian Devil who is up about 6:15 every morning without fail. I started giving her a back rub at night with some serenity in it and the first time she slept until 8am the next morning. She usually only does that when she is sick. She now wakes up at about 7:30 every morning when I rub her back with the oil.

My mom, sweet mom. She burnt her finger pretty good a few weeks ago, we won't talk how just that she did it. Anyway I went to her work and she had a bandaid on her finger and was quite vocal about her pain, she would randomly gets shooting pains in her finger not to mention it just hurting non stop. I asked if she wanted me to get the lavender, and she HATES the smell of lavender but she was in so much pain she didn't care. I put it on, just one drop and then that gave her something to distract from the pain because now she had to smell something she hated. Anyway she emailed me later that night, maybe 7 hours after I put the oil on and said her finger didn't hurt anymore even if she pushed on it really hard! Yay! Oh but to top if off the next morning all of the liquid in her blister was gone. All from one drop of oil. That is it for story telling but oils have helped us here at my house with my headaches, attitude boosters, cuts, pain, muscle stiffness, digestion issues, mosquito bites and a ton of cleaning uses! Not to mention the flu.

My friend Leah who introduced me to DoTerra oils sells then as a business. I have always said I don't have time and don't want to do that but the more I use them and the more they help heal my family I just can't shut about it and have to consider selling them myself. Why not let my sharing help pay for my own oils? It is something I am considering strongly, they are definitely something I can get behind and something I believe in.

Like I said before I like the DoTerra brand because they are so pure, but why do I like oils besides all of the reasons listed above? Simple. This earth and everything in and on it was created, created by an all knowing, all loving God. Everything has its time, place and purpose. Not by happenstance but by divine appointment. So when God created the lavender flower and all of the compounds that he put into that plant he did it with us in mind I am convinced. He created us and he created us to live in harmony with the plants. Those plants are gifts to us from him. Not only do they look beautiful and smell beautiful but they help heal us. He never fails to continue to amaze me. So even though I feel that oils are pretty miraculous things, I know that they work because our God created them that way. Just like you and I were created for a God given purpose all of these plants were created for a God given purpose too, for us!

The only thing I am left to wonder is WHY did our ancestors ever stop using them and turn to chemicals to do a worse job? Some things I guess I will never understand! If you are interested in oils let me know I go to classes often to keep learning more, maybe you can join me at one.

The fire in my belly...eating food, real food!

Our health is so important. Think about it, it dictates everything about us. Our activity level, our ability to communicate and function properly, our attitude, our ability to travel, go to school, work, daycare, play dates and the list goes on. I have not always eaten well or even been concerned about health. I eat because I am hungry and it tastes good. I took my health for granted and I for sure DON'T do well when I don't feel good.

After my last child was born I was thrown into a season of life that changed how I thought about food. It was a slow change and one that still continues to this day. I was no longer healthy and couldn't function very well to take care of my 5 girls, that is another post I will do soon. So for these last almost 3 years I am more and more aware everyday of what is being out into our bodies. My husband still eats nasty processed dead food on a daily basis and I will not complain. Why? Because although I would love for him to eat healthy he doesn't want to, and he FULLY supports me in our girls eating healthy and so I will not complain!

  Today we made our second ever batch of homemade chocolate syrup. Hershey's syrup has been a staple in our house since forever. I love chocolate. I believe that God loves chocolate too...ok maybe I am assuming but someone once told me that in the bible when it says "The streets are paved with gold" that is really just the wrapper around the chocolate. Chocolate streets would be amazing!

 However if you look at the label of the Hershey's syrup there are SO many things not good in there. The sugars alone are over the top, check out the nutrition label. Not to mention that most of the sugar comes from in the form of high fructose corn syrup. Now you know me I am not against corn at all, it may be the best thing ever, well ok, only if you buy it at Bob's Corn! But the way they process HFCS is awful and basically is a chemical by the time they are done processing it.

So Lucy helped me make our syrup today. Isn't she cute?

It was pretty easy and has simple ingredients. I was lucky enough to use raw honey straight from our fields, but you could use any local honey or agave if needed. I made a double batch and am excited for how much it made! I use it in everything now. Chocolate milk, mochas, dessert toppings etc. It is healthy but we don't have chocolate milk everyday, it is still a treat but now I don't have to worry about my kids drinking toxic chemicals, which is important when 3 of my children react strongly to chemicals.

 Here is our stash.

I got the recipe from this blog, I am excited to see what other recipes are on there that have to do with honey!

The fire in my belly...Our God given Mother's Intuition, a blessing and a curse!

I grew up a shy kid who wouldn't ask for my money if someone overcharged me. I had no confidence in my ability to stick up for myself. That little me in a little town called Snohomish would never have believed you if you would have told me that would grow up and be a fighter. Not a boxing fighter but a fighter for what is right. I would have never believed that I would have stood up to anyone let alone doctors, school administrators and eventually all that I have known to be normal. I also would have never believe that when I discovered something that I believed in to be right and helpful that I wouldn't be able to contain myself and share with everyone! Since becoming a mom at the young age of 19 and having a sick baby who had to have open heart surgery when I was a 21 year old single mom I have gotten a fire in my belly. At first it came slow and that "pit" in your gut when you know something isn't right or when that pit tells you "act now", well those were few and far between. Lately though they seem to be coming fast and furious! Sometimes I wish I could live in denial and ignore that pit in my stomach, it would be so much easier in the moment. It would save me tons of thinking, research, late nights, deep thoughts and so much more. But in the long run it is life changing and beneficial for my whole family. I feel as if God has me on a revolution. One that will change my life and my families life for the better. I can tell already it won't be an easy road but one that is necessary. I am excited for it because any road God has me on is exhilarating and exciting. Anything worth doing however isn't easy but WELL worth it! So although I know some paths that He has me traveling down I know there are more to come that right now my mind probably can't contain. I feel like my brain is already ready to pop with all of the knowledge and research I am gaining. I am also surprised about how much you have to listen to that gut feeling even if you don't fully understand it yet. I don't like research yet I can't get enough of it right now, go figure! I need to get my thoughts out so this blog is my way to do it. I am starting a "series" here inspired by my friend Bridget who is a much better, more consistent blogger than I! In this series I will hopefully be more consistent than i have been in the past, but I am going to share the fires in my belly that I couldn't ignore and why my passion continues in each area. They will be in no particular order and definitely random but what else would you expect from me? The first time I ever felt that fire in my belly as a mom is when Kylie had her open heart surgery. I never understood or did well in school. I made it through high school by the skin of my teeth and don't have fond memories of those four years. I got pregnant at 18 and never went to college hence I have always felt insecure around the more educated. I have felt like they know more than me and therefore I shouldn't question what they say or do and just go with it. Laughable I know, but those insecurities were so real back in the day. I always felt like the educated looked down on me too, like they all could tell by looking at me that I didn't go to college. Then my child gets sick and suddenly out of nowhere this momma bear comes out in me and I didn't even know what hit me until it was done. I was questioning everything the doctors told me, researching and getting second opinions left and right. I remember when her surgery was over and it was time for the nurses to have shift change, parents had to leave the room for that so the nurses that were getting off duty could brief the nurses coming on. Even though my daughter was in ICU I still had to leave. I was not happy and let the nurse know it. I remember VERY assertively telling the nurse what she was and wasn't allowed to do to and for my daughter when I was out of the room. Who woulda thunk that little ol' me would have told an educated nurse what she would and wouldn't do. Guess what, I was the momma and I had the final say! I think that was the beginning of the end for my insecurities ruling my life. I haven't stopped fighting for those (usually my children but also others) who are unable to fight for themselves. I come alive when I can help other people become more successful or help them through the unknown or a hardship that they are facing, I believe that is why I was put in this earth.

Failed!

I failed my daughter yesterday. I have done it before and promised I would never do it again...yet I have. I am making this public declaration of failure as a reminder to myself. Ellie is on a gluten free diet. We went to the farm yesterday and worked, it was an unexpected work day so I didn't have a meal planned. Hunger got the best of me and since we didn't have a lot of time before church we just got pizza. I normally order a gluten free pizza for Ellie and I but she asked for a regular pizza. Normally I would have just said no but I was at that "hangry" stage were I was not in the mood to eat pizza toppings on a cracker crust and so with barely any coaxing from Ellie I caved. I got the gluten filled pizza...it was SO good. In my devotional last week it talked about how when you do something that you know is wrong you are a fool. I knew eating the pizza (and feeding it to Ellie) was wrong but I let my emotions control me instead of my common sense. And since food is my weakest thing, I willingly gave in. I was a fool, a willing fool. Willingly which means "eagerly compliant" I was eagerly ready to eat what I knew would make me sick and cranky to my children, the children that I prayed for, begged for and was blessed with. I was eagerly ready to feed my child gluten which is like poisin to her brain. Really I am not exaggerating, it is toxic to her, it changes her attitude, her coping skills, her ability to be a normal person. I eagerly fed it to her, eagerly fed her poisin in the form of gluten. Today 24 hours later as she does her homework and struggles because of the "brain fog" and has an extreme fit on the floor. She kicks and screams and makes grunting noises that I haven't heard from her in a long time. I have been cooking from scratch and she has been getting no artificial junk or chemicals in her food because I am making it all and not feeding her processed junk. So not only was the gluten bad for her but all of the additives and chemicals that are in processed food. Tonight I sit at home not liking her much because of the beast she turns into I realize that it is all my fault and I have failed her. That may sound heavy to call her a beast but it is true and you may think that me saying I failed her is a bit drama but it is all true. She is a beautiful girl with a big heart and as her mom it is my job to protect her and take care of her and I failed. So to make sure that I never forget what it is like when she has gluten, here is my confession. So what I would say to myself if I should read this in a time I am tempted to cheat with gluten and in turn she would cheat too is "You are setting her up for failure and failing her by not protecting her from things that will harm her, you will regret it and beat yourself up for it." I love you Ellie and I am sorry for not being strong for you when you needed me. And now to be the change I want to see.

Refreshed

I woke up at 5am today. Nothing unusual for me. I went to bed at 10 last night and usually that is too late for me if I want to get up at my standard 5am time and not be sleepy or grumpy. When my alarm went off I thought, well I could lay here for just 10 more minutes (as is my standard lately) but I decided to just get up, I think that made the difference between groggy and awake. Something about those 10 extra minutes in bed where you aren't really sleeping but you are resting while at the same time convincing yourself why you don't really need to get up and all the things that you need to do that can wait. Then you finally get up and are rushed and cranky because you have 800 things to do and no time to do it. Today I just did it, I got up. That is going to be my new rule, just wake up. I need to wake up, wake up my attitude, my soul to really to be ready to parent these kids I have been blessed with! God has called me to be a mom to these girls, it isn't a small task, it is a very important task. I feel that I often make light of it, as if someone else's job is more important or has more impact than mine. I have come to realize over the years that comparing myself isn't helpful. Really God has called each of us to a different task, I need to focus on mine because He designed me for this task, I can't be successful in someone else's position because I wasn't called there. And why would I want to? Would I want someone else to do my job of raising my babies? Well Somedays maybe, I won't lie. But most days I couldn't imagine someone else loving them and taking the time with Ellie that is takes to figure out how she ticks. Would anyone else be able to understand Lucy's mumbling when she is upset? Could anyone else harness Jorja and all of her energy? what about Abi and her fourth grade emotions? And Kylie, she needs to laugh would someone else be too serious with her? So, Today my goal is to love on my babies, be slow to speak and quick to listen and breath in the day and blessing and struggles that come along with it.

Time gets away

Wow my goal was to post daily. Maybe I was expecting too much of myself. This posting thing takes a while and time got away from me! Let's see, what was I up to? Thursday night OT for Ellie and then a meeting on bullying. Friday, dinner with our co-leaders who are teaching us the ropes at Canyon Creek, Saturday snow and grocery shopping with my sis, Sunday more snow and my nieces wedding. Sheesh that was a lot. As I realize how fast time gets away from me just with this blog it reminds me how time if flying by with my girls. How can I make the most of it? How can I get them to listen so I don't get irritated? How do I remember to tell them all of the most important things that I never want them to forget once they leave my home? Things pull at me day after day, laundry, dishes, sleep, working out haha like that ever happens anymore. I feel guilty if I don't spend time with the girls like they want, but irritated when I trip and fall over all of the junk left on the floor. Balance is the key but I would love to just cuddle on the couch all day if I could! I won't catch up on the days I missed here on this blog I don't have time or the memory to. Just like if I busy my time away with my girls I won't ever get to make that up either. So my goal and my prayer for this next week, is to not let time get away. I don't expect to be perfect, but one day, one task at a time I will choose the one that I can't get back, the moments that make memories. Here is to you my girls, Mama loves you!

Bob's Birthday Day

Wow, today was an easier day for me. Well of course it was, I met with the cabinet guy in Monroe to pick out cabinets, duh, and what is better than "shopping"? It was over in an hour so Bob said I could run some errands kid free...on his birthday while he watched the kids...I have a good man!

I swung by the dollar store really quick and then went to Ben Franklin. I ordered my "word" of the year in vinyl letters. I got the frame on sale for half off, I think it was $6 but it is cool looking marble like with browns and black so it will match where ever I put it. This is my word in a frame from last year.

 While I was there I got a 16x20 frame that I am going to put our verse of the year in. This is something new I am doing and I feel God gave me the idea while pastor Christian was praying the other day at church. He was thanking God that he loves us no matter what but that some of us are struggling and could he help us to feel his love. It stuck out to me because I know with every fiber of my being that Jesus loves me no matter what, as my mom likes to say "There is nothing you can do to make God love you more and nothing you can do to make him love you less, he just loves you!" but sometimes we struggle because we dont "feel" it. So our verse this year is Romans 8:38-39. I am not expecting all of the kids to have the verse memorized word for word perfectly by the end of the year, but my bet is they will UNDERSTAND what the verse is saying and feel Gods heart for his people and know where to find it in the bible. My plan is to take turns reading it every night at dinner from the frame it will be hanging in by the table somewhere (yet to be determined). I am sure some nights there won't be much talk about it, some nights there will be. It is just a way to get into my kids heads that Jesus loves them no matter what! I made a lot of mistakes after I left home and I want my kids to be equipped with truth when they are no longer under my care to fight off all of the lies in the world. And I want them to know where to find it in the bible when they start to doubt. I am excited about this as I feel God gave me the idea so he has a plan for it!

Random change of subject. I am picking out all of the stuff for the house and tonight I picked some lighting for the girls rooms. My favorite was the babies room. So cute! I love it!

Jorja went to bed at 4:30 tonight so I am hoping she doesn't wake up at 3:30!

Tuesday, always so busy!

Tuesdays seem to be the busiest days around here. Everyday is busy lately but Tuesday's you can barely breathe. This Tuesday was no different. We are in the process (ever so slow process) of building a house. So we met with the electrician this Tuesday. He came to our house instead of us coming to his office. This was by his choice after I said we would be bringing 3 kids with us. Haha! I am not usually a fan of having strangers in my house, especially when they are male (sorry guys!) because of my little girls. BUT Bob was home with me and he has worked with our contractor (who is a trusted friend) for 18+ years. So I made an exception. He was a really nice older guy and i felt very comfortable with him. He knew his stuff and we enjoyed the 2 hours of talking about lights.

While we were doing this the three littles played together. Ellie did a little bit of school work but mainly played. Every time there is playing there will be fighting and Tuesday was no exception. I think they hit a threshold of patient where their bucket empties. This time it was Lucy who flipped and Ellie was in the mix of it of course. Ellie and Lucy are so much a like so they butt heads a lot. Ellie was telling Lucy what to do while playing on Lucy's bed and Lucy wasn't having it because it is her bed and she is in charge on her bed. Lucy was crying and Ellie didn't want her to be rude to the guest in the house so she covered her mouth with her hand. Lucy did like that and bit her.

After he left we had lunch and I let the girls watch a little TV. Why do I do that? They fight or have snotty attitudes when the TV is on more than any other time ever! Grrr. We had to leave for vision therapy for Ellie, she didn't want to turn off the TV, she couldn't find ANY shoes that "felt right" even though she has about 10 pairs of shoes and some days loves them so much she won't take them off. It is so frustrating. It is so hard to get out the door for Ellie. If it isn't her shoes it is her socks, or she forgot something or she doesn't want to go. I don't understand. And it isn't just "Mom, I can't find the right shoes", no it is crying and whining and throwing herself on the floor in frustration. If we are in a rush or running late it is 100 times worse. Even if I have her put all of her stuff (shoes, socks, lunch, toys she wants to take) by the door she always manages to have an issue with something.

She did the best she has done at vision therapy this week though so for that I am proud.

We came home and Tuesday night at our house is when the "boys" come over. Two of our good friends, turned employees, turned family come over for dinner and a movie. Bob and I say we have adopted them (ages 18 and 27) and the girls call them their brothers. So as soon as we got home we started to make cinnamon rolls because Wednesday is Bob's birthday. I was rushing because I hadn't started dinner but need to get the dough started for the rolls for the next morning. Why do I try to do too much in a short amount of time? I should change that. Anyway I was talking on the phone while rushing through the GLUTEN FREE recipe which is more picky than normal recipes. I used the wrong kind of yeast and needless to say had to through all of the dough out and start over.

Not to mention earlier in the day I had an issue with the architect. This is the second time he has been down right rude, he knows his stuff but he has a bit of a temper. I let him know this wasn't acceptable. Not what I wanted to deal with today or any day really. :)

Anyway we had dinner and it was good. I did notice as we were sitting at the table for about 30 minutes after we ate talking that Ellie does insert herself into the conversation I think because she is comfortable with us, but at times she will repeat what other people have said before to make it seem like she understands and knows about what we are talking about when I don't think she clearly does. She often looks at me even she is talking to others to see if what she is saying is right or to get my approval. I am not sure but I just noticed it more at dinner.

Overall it was a good day with a few glitches in there and now the house is thrashed. I have to worry less about that and spend more time with my kids. So much easier said than done, I think I have some OCD!

Oh Monday, why must yoube so mean?

Monday was rough. I woke up in a funk, never a good way to start the day. I also woke up ready to research aspergers syndrome. When I am in the mood to research, it is hard to keep my mind on anything except said research. Normally I hate research but when it is for one of my kids I crave it. Ellie woke up with a bad dream and started the day out crying, never a good start either. She did her math review and VT almost right away, I think it gave me false hope our school day was going to go easy. Expectations. That is what sets us up for failure here. Anyway the rest of school was mixed productivity of my own doing. Like I said before I was trying to research and teach at the same time. The results weren't very good. However we did work on "English" and she is really good at knowing nouns, picking them out of a sentence, saying if they are plural or singular and converting singular to plural. I am proud of her, we hit our first milestone in school yesterday. She did her first work of the year on a piece of paper! I know that sounds cheesy but she doesn't learn like your average kid and would refuse to do school work on paper because of her eye issues. But she did it and didn't complain and got all the answers right. Attitude wise it was rough for her. And the later it got in the day the worse it was. I am not sure what caused that. I think maybe I waited too long to feed her lunch. That is when she flipped out and wanted gluten. It is hard I know when her sisters can have it and she can't. It is hard for me too. The difference is that most of the time she refuses to try the gf alternative so she is left with nothing. I wish I didn't have to restrict her diet but it makes such a huge difference. I left to go volunteer at the school in Abi's class and she was upset. Before I left I told her that if she mopped the floor I would pay her so that seemed to brighten her spirits. As I am about to walk into Abi's class I get a phone call and she is crying hysterically. I ask her to calm down because I can't understand a thing she is saying. She finally calms down enough to tell me she doesn't know how to put the steam mop together and turn it on. I tell her to ask her dad and she says he is in the bathroom and proceeds to have a fit because she doesn't want to wait. I am grand I had that hour away! There was a new series premiere last night of her show. All day long she insisted that it was on demand and she didn't have to wait until 7pm it didn't matter that I showed her the website that said it was at 7 on Monday she knew she was right and was convinced I was stupid, although she didn't call me that. Then her and Abi were in her room playing squinkies. They were playing in there for about 25 mines, it is nice but always ends in a fight, always! So I hear screaming, the door open, Ellie chasing Abi, Ellie slaps Abi on the back and they both start telling me their story. I stop them and Ellie said that they were playing and their "girls" were fighting she decided that she did want that for them so she paused the game and told Abi "let's pretend that didn't happen" to which Abi replies "what didn't happen?" pause right there, Abi is doing on of those word things that lets you know she understood in a cute way, kind of like "don't tell anyone I ate that candy bar" and your friend says "what candy bar?" letting you know basically that they have already forgot. Ellie doesn't understand insinuated things, she takes everything literal. So she starts explaining to Abi in detail what part she wants her to forget. Sometimes Ellie struggles to get her thoughts into words so for Ellie the explanation took a lot of effort on her part. To which Abi says again "what part?" and Ellie comes unglued. She pulls Abi's hair, chafes her down the hall and hits her. Oh the life! I talked with Ellie about hitting, yelling, hair pulling, etc. I had a talk with Abi about how her sisters brain works different. It was a struggle because I am not fully understanding how Ellie's brain works so I did as best as I could. Abi and Bob leave for basketball and things calm down a bit. We eat dinner, homemade gluten free pizza and gluten free dessert pizza for dessert of course. When Abi gets home we get in jammies and watch the season premiere the girls have been looking forward to all day. There is issues with fast forwarding the show because Ellie has the remote and doesn't stop in time when the commercials are over and then Abi says something to her and she gets frustrated and yells mean things. No kids with remotes I think is a good rule. Bedtime comes and Ellie is defiant and won't go. I have to threaten grounding which I hate to always have to come down to something bad, why won't she just obey? Needless to say she didn't get a stamp for good attitude much at all today. By the end of the day I was exhausted. The babies where clinging and whiny most of the day too. I am hoping it was Mondayitis and Tuesday will be better. We meet with the electrician for our new house today at our house, I wonder if he will go crazy?!

Sunday January 8th

Today was an okay day. It always is when Ellie goes to play at someone elses house. We just came off a rough Saturday. She spent the night at a friends house on Friday night and had gluten. Will I ever learn? I need to send her food that she can eat. I always feel like I am so high maintenance when I do that. Do I call and ask what they are having for dinner and breakfast and send her something she can eat that is similar? Do families plan a menu during the weekend? I doubt it. So do I send her with gluten free food and just make her yet again be different from what everyone else has? Maybe I should let her chose what she feels like eating so even if it is different she at least likes what she is eating? That is an idea. So anyway when she came home on Saturday she was irritable and cranky. I Attribute that to three things. One she had gluten, two she stayed up late as is standard and expected at sleep overs and three she seems to go into a slight depression after she has playmates/sleepovers with friends. I know it seems weird but I do think she experiences a lull in her attitude. Maybe it is because she was having fun and now has to put up with all of her sisters again. So Sunday she had gotten a good night sleep before and woke up ok. The babies were gone Sunday morning at a friends house and Bob took Abi to church early and we met them there later. So the morning wasa easier than normal. I have learned that she needs a warning for everything under the sun a reward system works the best. So she got ready and started playing on the computer, I have to set the timer for her and let her know I am setting and she has to shut it off when it goes off. That gets her away from her activity and makes the timer the bad guy and not me. She struggled to get out of the house like always even though her shoes were by the door. She forgot to put socks there and it sent her over the edge. Yelling and crying, I got the socks and we were off. She went home with my sister that day after church, they went to Costco she had to get a salad and seemed to do ok with that, probably because she was with her Aunt and not me where she would have complained. She went to bed fairly good Sunday night. So the difference in Saturday and Sunday was sleep, and gluten.

Daily Battle

Life around here is a daily battle lately. Between 5 kids, homeschool, planning for our new house, owning a business, boot camp, cooking, cleaning, playtime, family time, vision therapy, occupational therapy, husband time, alone time, church, extended family time, doctor and dentist appointments, school functions, and the list goes on. How do you fit it all in? You don't! What to cut back on is the battle. Add to that a child who isn't your typical kid it sucks you dry of any emotional energy you may have had and that makes the battle even bigger. Now I am not complaining, I am grateful for my life, my 5 kids and even my even draining child with special needs. There I said it. She is a special needs child. I have always felt bad for saying that because I have always pictured special needs kids as down syndrome, why I am not sure. I don't want to minimize the struggle that families with down syndrome have, I have no clue what it is like, but at times I think it would be a slight bit easier because people know what down syndrome is and can empathize better with children and parents of down syndrome kids. My kid has sensory processing disorder. All of this is explained in my previous blog. Not to be rude but I don't feel like explaining it again. Let me just say that she was diagnosed this summer after me just really not likening her for 4 years. Mean. Horrible. Bad mom. I know...but I have to be honest. We have gone through steps to have her diagnosed so that we can learn how she ticks to help her in life and make life a little easier for her. Don't get me wrong I love her with all of my heart, but sometimes she is hard to like. Again I am not complaining, I have had many trials in life, some were just the cards I was dealt and lots were through my own stupid decisions. All of them God has used for his glory and shaped me into who I am today, and for that I wouldn't go back and change one of them. So for the next while this blog is going to be my journal. I know there are things that I am doing well with Ellie and things that I need to work on. My hope, prayer really is that by journaling each day here on this blog I will see patterns of behavior in both her and I that I have overlooked. I am hoping to see where things have gone well and maybe I was to exhausted to notice. Or progress we have made that I wouldn't have seen if I didn't chronicle it somewhere. You get the point. My pastor at church (Canyoncreekonline.com) yesterday said that God can use the temporal for the eternal. Maybe that is his plan here. I am not sure but I know he has a plan for me and my sweet Ellie Mae. So you have been warned and I don't blame you if you don't read my blog again, this is more for me than you, selfish I know but sometimes that is what it takes.