Tuesday, always so busy!

Tuesdays seem to be the busiest days around here. Everyday is busy lately but Tuesday's you can barely breathe. This Tuesday was no different. We are in the process (ever so slow process) of building a house. So we met with the electrician this Tuesday. He came to our house instead of us coming to his office. This was by his choice after I said we would be bringing 3 kids with us. Haha! I am not usually a fan of having strangers in my house, especially when they are male (sorry guys!) because of my little girls. BUT Bob was home with me and he has worked with our contractor (who is a trusted friend) for 18+ years. So I made an exception. He was a really nice older guy and i felt very comfortable with him. He knew his stuff and we enjoyed the 2 hours of talking about lights.

While we were doing this the three littles played together. Ellie did a little bit of school work but mainly played. Every time there is playing there will be fighting and Tuesday was no exception. I think they hit a threshold of patient where their bucket empties. This time it was Lucy who flipped and Ellie was in the mix of it of course. Ellie and Lucy are so much a like so they butt heads a lot. Ellie was telling Lucy what to do while playing on Lucy's bed and Lucy wasn't having it because it is her bed and she is in charge on her bed. Lucy was crying and Ellie didn't want her to be rude to the guest in the house so she covered her mouth with her hand. Lucy did like that and bit her.

After he left we had lunch and I let the girls watch a little TV. Why do I do that? They fight or have snotty attitudes when the TV is on more than any other time ever! Grrr. We had to leave for vision therapy for Ellie, she didn't want to turn off the TV, she couldn't find ANY shoes that "felt right" even though she has about 10 pairs of shoes and some days loves them so much she won't take them off. It is so frustrating. It is so hard to get out the door for Ellie. If it isn't her shoes it is her socks, or she forgot something or she doesn't want to go. I don't understand. And it isn't just "Mom, I can't find the right shoes", no it is crying and whining and throwing herself on the floor in frustration. If we are in a rush or running late it is 100 times worse. Even if I have her put all of her stuff (shoes, socks, lunch, toys she wants to take) by the door she always manages to have an issue with something.

She did the best she has done at vision therapy this week though so for that I am proud.

We came home and Tuesday night at our house is when the "boys" come over. Two of our good friends, turned employees, turned family come over for dinner and a movie. Bob and I say we have adopted them (ages 18 and 27) and the girls call them their brothers. So as soon as we got home we started to make cinnamon rolls because Wednesday is Bob's birthday. I was rushing because I hadn't started dinner but need to get the dough started for the rolls for the next morning. Why do I try to do too much in a short amount of time? I should change that. Anyway I was talking on the phone while rushing through the GLUTEN FREE recipe which is more picky than normal recipes. I used the wrong kind of yeast and needless to say had to through all of the dough out and start over.

Not to mention earlier in the day I had an issue with the architect. This is the second time he has been down right rude, he knows his stuff but he has a bit of a temper. I let him know this wasn't acceptable. Not what I wanted to deal with today or any day really. :)

Anyway we had dinner and it was good. I did notice as we were sitting at the table for about 30 minutes after we ate talking that Ellie does insert herself into the conversation I think because she is comfortable with us, but at times she will repeat what other people have said before to make it seem like she understands and knows about what we are talking about when I don't think she clearly does. She often looks at me even she is talking to others to see if what she is saying is right or to get my approval. I am not sure but I just noticed it more at dinner.

Overall it was a good day with a few glitches in there and now the house is thrashed. I have to worry less about that and spend more time with my kids. So much easier said than done, I think I have some OCD!

Oh Monday, why must yoube so mean?

Monday was rough. I woke up in a funk, never a good way to start the day. I also woke up ready to research aspergers syndrome. When I am in the mood to research, it is hard to keep my mind on anything except said research. Normally I hate research but when it is for one of my kids I crave it. Ellie woke up with a bad dream and started the day out crying, never a good start either. She did her math review and VT almost right away, I think it gave me false hope our school day was going to go easy. Expectations. That is what sets us up for failure here. Anyway the rest of school was mixed productivity of my own doing. Like I said before I was trying to research and teach at the same time. The results weren't very good. However we did work on "English" and she is really good at knowing nouns, picking them out of a sentence, saying if they are plural or singular and converting singular to plural. I am proud of her, we hit our first milestone in school yesterday. She did her first work of the year on a piece of paper! I know that sounds cheesy but she doesn't learn like your average kid and would refuse to do school work on paper because of her eye issues. But she did it and didn't complain and got all the answers right. Attitude wise it was rough for her. And the later it got in the day the worse it was. I am not sure what caused that. I think maybe I waited too long to feed her lunch. That is when she flipped out and wanted gluten. It is hard I know when her sisters can have it and she can't. It is hard for me too. The difference is that most of the time she refuses to try the gf alternative so she is left with nothing. I wish I didn't have to restrict her diet but it makes such a huge difference. I left to go volunteer at the school in Abi's class and she was upset. Before I left I told her that if she mopped the floor I would pay her so that seemed to brighten her spirits. As I am about to walk into Abi's class I get a phone call and she is crying hysterically. I ask her to calm down because I can't understand a thing she is saying. She finally calms down enough to tell me she doesn't know how to put the steam mop together and turn it on. I tell her to ask her dad and she says he is in the bathroom and proceeds to have a fit because she doesn't want to wait. I am grand I had that hour away! There was a new series premiere last night of her show. All day long she insisted that it was on demand and she didn't have to wait until 7pm it didn't matter that I showed her the website that said it was at 7 on Monday she knew she was right and was convinced I was stupid, although she didn't call me that. Then her and Abi were in her room playing squinkies. They were playing in there for about 25 mines, it is nice but always ends in a fight, always! So I hear screaming, the door open, Ellie chasing Abi, Ellie slaps Abi on the back and they both start telling me their story. I stop them and Ellie said that they were playing and their "girls" were fighting she decided that she did want that for them so she paused the game and told Abi "let's pretend that didn't happen" to which Abi replies "what didn't happen?" pause right there, Abi is doing on of those word things that lets you know she understood in a cute way, kind of like "don't tell anyone I ate that candy bar" and your friend says "what candy bar?" letting you know basically that they have already forgot. Ellie doesn't understand insinuated things, she takes everything literal. So she starts explaining to Abi in detail what part she wants her to forget. Sometimes Ellie struggles to get her thoughts into words so for Ellie the explanation took a lot of effort on her part. To which Abi says again "what part?" and Ellie comes unglued. She pulls Abi's hair, chafes her down the hall and hits her. Oh the life! I talked with Ellie about hitting, yelling, hair pulling, etc. I had a talk with Abi about how her sisters brain works different. It was a struggle because I am not fully understanding how Ellie's brain works so I did as best as I could. Abi and Bob leave for basketball and things calm down a bit. We eat dinner, homemade gluten free pizza and gluten free dessert pizza for dessert of course. When Abi gets home we get in jammies and watch the season premiere the girls have been looking forward to all day. There is issues with fast forwarding the show because Ellie has the remote and doesn't stop in time when the commercials are over and then Abi says something to her and she gets frustrated and yells mean things. No kids with remotes I think is a good rule. Bedtime comes and Ellie is defiant and won't go. I have to threaten grounding which I hate to always have to come down to something bad, why won't she just obey? Needless to say she didn't get a stamp for good attitude much at all today. By the end of the day I was exhausted. The babies where clinging and whiny most of the day too. I am hoping it was Mondayitis and Tuesday will be better. We meet with the electrician for our new house today at our house, I wonder if he will go crazy?!

Sunday January 8th

Today was an okay day. It always is when Ellie goes to play at someone elses house. We just came off a rough Saturday. She spent the night at a friends house on Friday night and had gluten. Will I ever learn? I need to send her food that she can eat. I always feel like I am so high maintenance when I do that. Do I call and ask what they are having for dinner and breakfast and send her something she can eat that is similar? Do families plan a menu during the weekend? I doubt it. So do I send her with gluten free food and just make her yet again be different from what everyone else has? Maybe I should let her chose what she feels like eating so even if it is different she at least likes what she is eating? That is an idea. So anyway when she came home on Saturday she was irritable and cranky. I Attribute that to three things. One she had gluten, two she stayed up late as is standard and expected at sleep overs and three she seems to go into a slight depression after she has playmates/sleepovers with friends. I know it seems weird but I do think she experiences a lull in her attitude. Maybe it is because she was having fun and now has to put up with all of her sisters again. So Sunday she had gotten a good night sleep before and woke up ok. The babies were gone Sunday morning at a friends house and Bob took Abi to church early and we met them there later. So the morning wasa easier than normal. I have learned that she needs a warning for everything under the sun a reward system works the best. So she got ready and started playing on the computer, I have to set the timer for her and let her know I am setting and she has to shut it off when it goes off. That gets her away from her activity and makes the timer the bad guy and not me. She struggled to get out of the house like always even though her shoes were by the door. She forgot to put socks there and it sent her over the edge. Yelling and crying, I got the socks and we were off. She went home with my sister that day after church, they went to Costco she had to get a salad and seemed to do ok with that, probably because she was with her Aunt and not me where she would have complained. She went to bed fairly good Sunday night. So the difference in Saturday and Sunday was sleep, and gluten.

Daily Battle

Life around here is a daily battle lately. Between 5 kids, homeschool, planning for our new house, owning a business, boot camp, cooking, cleaning, playtime, family time, vision therapy, occupational therapy, husband time, alone time, church, extended family time, doctor and dentist appointments, school functions, and the list goes on. How do you fit it all in? You don't! What to cut back on is the battle. Add to that a child who isn't your typical kid it sucks you dry of any emotional energy you may have had and that makes the battle even bigger. Now I am not complaining, I am grateful for my life, my 5 kids and even my even draining child with special needs. There I said it. She is a special needs child. I have always felt bad for saying that because I have always pictured special needs kids as down syndrome, why I am not sure. I don't want to minimize the struggle that families with down syndrome have, I have no clue what it is like, but at times I think it would be a slight bit easier because people know what down syndrome is and can empathize better with children and parents of down syndrome kids. My kid has sensory processing disorder. All of this is explained in my previous blog. Not to be rude but I don't feel like explaining it again. Let me just say that she was diagnosed this summer after me just really not likening her for 4 years. Mean. Horrible. Bad mom. I know...but I have to be honest. We have gone through steps to have her diagnosed so that we can learn how she ticks to help her in life and make life a little easier for her. Don't get me wrong I love her with all of my heart, but sometimes she is hard to like. Again I am not complaining, I have had many trials in life, some were just the cards I was dealt and lots were through my own stupid decisions. All of them God has used for his glory and shaped me into who I am today, and for that I wouldn't go back and change one of them. So for the next while this blog is going to be my journal. I know there are things that I am doing well with Ellie and things that I need to work on. My hope, prayer really is that by journaling each day here on this blog I will see patterns of behavior in both her and I that I have overlooked. I am hoping to see where things have gone well and maybe I was to exhausted to notice. Or progress we have made that I wouldn't have seen if I didn't chronicle it somewhere. You get the point. My pastor at church (Canyoncreekonline.com) yesterday said that God can use the temporal for the eternal. Maybe that is his plan here. I am not sure but I know he has a plan for me and my sweet Ellie Mae. So you have been warned and I don't blame you if you don't read my blog again, this is more for me than you, selfish I know but sometimes that is what it takes.

Teaching at home

I have embarked on yet another year of teaching at home. I was never going to home school my kids. I barely made it through school who am I to teach my kids? I home schooled Ellie is 1st grade (2 years ago) and it went ok. I put her back in public school in 2nd grade with an amazing teacher who was so good to her. I put her in public school again (with the same amazing teacher) this year also. However this summer we learned a lot about little Miss Ellie Mae.

If I back up a bit last year she struggled in school, not so bad that she needed to be held back but she had a lot of anxiety about tests, she struggled to keep up and told me she felt dumb because she would always finish last. She didn't understand a lot of what was being taught, she struggled with reading comprehension. She would space out a lot and just had a lot of little "quirks" that led me to believe that something wasn't quite right. I knew she was smart, but it was seeming that she danced to the beat of a different drum and I didn't know the tune. It seemed as though she was stuck in her own body and not able to get out. She was sad a lot, had no self confidence and worried like mad to the point of tears about everything. All of this from a kid who is very loved and told and shown that day in and day out. From a kid to who had an amazing teacher that went out of her way to make school easier, fun and comfortable for her.

This past summer we went through a series of MANY tests to see if we could pin point Ellie's issues. I don't know what else to call them other than that, and she had (has) many of them. She was so sick of going to doctor after doctor (as was I)! We tested her for seizures, celiac disease, anemia, literacy problems and a ton more. We ruled many things out (seizures yay!) and got "diagnosed" with a few things. Now let me say I don't need a label for my child but I do need to know her needs so that I can know how to help her. She was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder which is very complex as you can imagine with all of the senses we have. She mainly has "defensive auditory dysfunction" which is basically she can't drown out noises and focus on one thing at a time. So if she is reading and there is ANY noise in the background (shuffling feet, crinkling paper, someone sniffing) her brain tells her it is all VERY important. She is overstimulated and hugely sensitive to (and by) all noises. She is often seen with her hands over her ears and if the noises get to be too much she will growl and scream to drown them out. Her body sends her the "flight or fight" responses to almost all noises that you would get if you were walking in a parking lot and someone honked, that feeling of being in danger. That is what her brain does to her for almost every sound. She is currently in Occupational Therapy for it doing and intense listening therapy.

Add to that dyspraxia which is also under sensory processing disorder. Dyspraxia is "an impairment or immaturity of the organisation of movement. It is an immaturity in the way that the brain processes information, which results in messages not being properly or fully transmitted. The word 'dyspraxia' comes from the Greek words 'dys', meaning impaired or abnormal, and 'praxis', meaning action or deed. Dyspraxia affects the planning of what to do and how to do it. It is associated with problems of perception, language and thought". Dyspraxia is described as having two main elements:

• Ideational dyspraxia: difficulty with planning a sequence of coordinated movements.
• Ideo-Motor dyspraxia: difficulty with executing a plan, even though it is known.

 "Developmental dyspraxia is difficulty getting our bodies to do what we want when we want them to do it", and that this difficulty can be considered significant when it interferes with the normal range of activities expected for a child of their age. In addition to the physical impairments, dyspraxia is associated with problems with memory, especially short-term memory. This typically results in difficulty remembering instructions, difficulty organizing one's time and remembering deadlines, increased propensity to lose things or problems carrying out tasks which require remembering several steps in sequence. So motor planning and ideation are the issues she has because of dyspraxia. She is also in OT for these. When her brain gets too many signals and gets overloaded (which happens many times a day) is when she has fits. Her fight or flight responses take over and she yells, is violent or runs away (to her room, alone time etc). We have been in therapy now for 4 months and we are just starting to see some improvements in her coping skills. SPD is a neurological problem. It doesn't go away and you don't grow out of it. With therapy you learn to cope better and recognize when you are getting overloaded and have a handle better on preventative maintenance. Left untreated it will get worse and harder for SPD to cope and live a normal life. She also has a few less impacting symptoms of SPD, she is really sensitive to smells and along with that either brings happiness or anxiety. If she smells something that she left at grandma's house she is extremely happy because it smells like grandma and she likes her. If we go anywhere near a public bathroom she immediately (even before smelling it) gets stressed out and almost hyperventilates. She refuses to use public bathrooms unless it is one she has been forced into before and knows it is ok. It has to be familiar to her like the "John Deere" potty at the farm or the bathroom at the Vision therapy clinic.

Vision Therapy, yep something else we had tested. I did think she needed to be tested because she could read so her eyes were fine right? Nope. She has 8 different things wrong with them. She is in vision therapy once a week and we do therapy 5 days a week at home. She also has glasses now for near work as she is far sighted and everything that is 12 inches or closer to her face is blurry or she sees double.

It now makes sense why she struggled in public school so bad. Now that she is home we have struggled to get into a routine that works well. One month in and I think we just may have found our groove. It has been a rough road figuring out how she ticks. We do a lot of things much different than "normal" but she seems to be learning. This post has gotten a lot longer that I thought it would be so I will end. I will come back and share how we do school, what I have learned about her learning style and the goals I have set for her (and myself) another day.

Memorial Day weekend and few other random things.

It is Memorial Day weekend and we go camping in "2 more sleeps" as my kids say. Last year at camping I wasn't as strict about food dye because it was the beginning of our adventure but now that I have seen the results it will not graze my kids lips until they are all grown and out of the house if I have anything to say about it! So this year thanks to someone who commented on an earlier post I have stocked up on Wal-mart brand marshmallows. Dye free, normal size and only $1! Thankfully there is a Wal-mart not to far from where we stay so if I run out I can restock. We always bring junk food camping along with our good for you food and we are set on everything like frozen treats, smores and chocolate. I think I will make one more stop to Safeway for bulk gummy bears that are dye free. I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend with the family.

For you gluten free people out there I think I have found the best gluten free flour known to man. It is called "Better Batter" www.betterbatter.org and I made pizza crust last night that was amazing. Even Bob liked it. It was fluffy like normal pizza and not just an over sized cracker! I have even made cinnamon rolls with it before. And for all you who aren't a natural in the kitchen like me, I made the pizza crust following the directions and it turned out the first time! Their website has a ton of recipes too. So check it out if gluten makes you less than what you want to be!

One little story and I am done for the morning. I was driving back from taking my oldest to drivers ed AGAIN the other day. My 9 year old who is the pickiest thing in the world and likes only nasty processed food starting talk about our day. We had gone on a field trip with her class to Pike Place Market in Seattle. While there she wanted some of those yummy mini donuts, so I got her some as a treat. I had some too and they were not good, usually those donuts are but they were way too greasy. She ate more than she should have so as we were driving that evening she tells me, "Mom, I still feel like I could throw up form those donuts. I think they had too much grease. I don't usually eat bad stuff like that and I don't think my body likes it!" As I was doing cartwheels inside that yes some of this is sinking in, she continues, "Ya know I am eating a lot healthier lately mom, have you noticed? I used to go downstairs and sneak candy from the candy drawer all of the time (lol she is admitting it) but now I don't even want to, I would rather eat fruit!" Success! Such a breath of fresh air. Will she never eat bad again? No, and I don't expect that, I do desire though for my kids to know what real food is, and know how to eat it and enjoy it. Treats are so fun and rewarding when you know you have nourished  your body first and haven't gone overboard on the sugar when you do have it.

Lately my sweet tooth has been gone and I am craving more savory things, I think it is rubbing off on my kids! Yay!

My love...obsession with food!

Food, it is my love, passion, okay...maybe my obsession. I love everything that has to do with food. I love buying it, prepping it to be frozen, cooking it, finding the best prices on it, sharing it, and most of all eating it!

I work out usually 5 days a week at boot camp here in Snohomish. I love it. They have some eating suggestions for you and also some different programs you can do to achieve different results you are looking for. So I am on a 10 day cleanse, I have done it before as part of the 24 day challenge but this time I am just doing the cleanse getting all of the toxins out. There are strict eating guidelines while on this cleanse. No refined sugars, no wheat, no dairy, no red meat, no corn. You can have fruit, veggies, lean proteins, hummus, oatmeal, brown rice, so healthy complex carbs, healthy fats, etc you get the point. Really this shouldn't be that hard for me right? I eat pretty healthy, I love fruits and veggies, I got this, no problem!

PROBLEM! I love food, I mean I am obsessed about it. From when I wake up until I go to bed I think about it. My morning starts by feeding my 5 girls breakfast and making 3 lunches to take to school because the food there, well it isn't food. The next thing I have to think of is what to make for dinner because if I don't we will go homeless eating out all of the time. Which by the way isn't a treat really anymore when you have to practically go into the kitchen of the restaurant to make sure nothing has food dye or gluten. Add in grocery shopping, planning meals, eating for myself and all I think about is food.

I have discovered in these last 5 days (the first half of the cleanse) which has felt like an eternity, just how much I am addicted to sugar! Seriously I knew I loved the stuff but wow I think about it more now that I can't have it for these short (well for some people) 10 days. I don't pig out on sugar but I do need to have it everyday. Dark Chocolate is my favorite and I just need a little. I feel like a drug addict rationalizing reasons why it is ok to have just a little fix. I haven't cheated and I am proud. I feel better and this isn't for forever (even though it seems like it right now) and soon I will be back in the land of sugar, I will regulate hopefully a little better. I do know that after not having sugar for 10 days everything will taste sweeter when I do have it.

So I have been eating tons of raw food. Which I love of course because I am obsessed in case you missed that earlier. It is amazing the creative things that you come up with to eat when some foods are off limits. I love hummus and usually have it with multi grain chips, but chips are a no-no right now, so I tried them with celery...too watery...carrots, AMAZING! So every day I have been eating anywhere from a half of a pound to a whole pound of carrots. See I told you I was obsessed! And the hummus is so flavorful you don't need that much at all.

I am also an over eater. I know it seems a little weird because I am "little" but really I overeat often. I texted one of my trainers from boot camp today to ask if sweet potatoes were okay to eat on the cleanse because you guessed it, I love them! She said "Yes but don't OD on them!" PL, you know me too well! I didn't OD though, I probably would have but my 9 year old who doesn't like any veggies really loves sweet potatoes and ate more than half the pan!

All of this to say that in my days of reflection I feel much better when my diet is 50% or more raw food, and this cleanse has reminded me of that. To keep up on the same eating when the cleanse is over and not forget how much I love raw food and how good it is for me, well that is the reason for this random blog tonight.

So I leave you with my 3 favorite cleanse approved foods that I couldn't survive without...
#1 Carrots with hummus, my favorite is Trader Joe's Mediterranean hummus.
#2 Granny Smith apples with Adam's All Natural chunky peanut butter
#3 Popcorn, cooked on your stove top, or "Lori Pelham Popcorn" as we farm folk affectionately call it.