Monday, January 16, 2012

Refreshed

I woke up at 5am today. Nothing unusual for me. I went to bed at 10 last night and usually that is too late for me if I want to get up at my standard 5am time and not be sleepy or grumpy. When my alarm went off I thought, well I could lay here for just 10 more minutes (as is my standard lately) but I decided to just get up, I think that made the difference between groggy and awake. Something about those 10 extra minutes in bed where you aren't really sleeping but you are resting while at the same time convincing yourself why you don't really need to get up and all the things that you need to do that can wait. Then you finally get up and are rushed and cranky because you have 800 things to do and no time to do it. Today I just did it, I got up. That is going to be my new rule, just wake up. I need to wake up, wake up my attitude, my soul to really to be ready to parent these kids I have been blessed with! God has called me to be a mom to these girls, it isn't a small task, it is a very important task. I feel that I often make light of it, as if someone else's job is more important or has more impact than mine. I have come to realize over the years that comparing myself isn't helpful. Really God has called each of us to a different task, I need to focus on mine because He designed me for this task, I can't be successful in someone else's position because I wasn't called there. And why would I want to? Would I want someone else to do my job of raising my babies? Well Somedays maybe, I won't lie. But most days I couldn't imagine someone else loving them and taking the time with Ellie that is takes to figure out how she ticks. Would anyone else be able to understand Lucy's mumbling when she is upset? Could anyone else harness Jorja and all of her energy? what about Abi and her fourth grade emotions? And Kylie, she needs to laugh would someone else be too serious with her? So, Today my goal is to love on my babies, be slow to speak and quick to listen and breath in the day and blessing and struggles that come along with it.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Time gets away

Wow my goal was to post daily. Maybe I was expecting too much of myself. This posting thing takes a while and time got away from me! Let's see, what was I up to? Thursday night OT for Ellie and then a meeting on bullying. Friday, dinner with our co-leaders who are teaching us the ropes at Canyon Creek, Saturday snow and grocery shopping with my sis, Sunday more snow and my nieces wedding. Sheesh that was a lot. As I realize how fast time gets away from me just with this blog it reminds me how time if flying by with my girls. How can I make the most of it? How can I get them to listen so I don't get irritated? How do I remember to tell them all of the most important things that I never want them to forget once they leave my home? Things pull at me day after day, laundry, dishes, sleep, working out haha like that ever happens anymore. I feel guilty if I don't spend time with the girls like they want, but irritated when I trip and fall over all of the junk left on the floor. Balance is the key but I would love to just cuddle on the couch all day if I could! I won't catch up on the days I missed here on this blog I don't have time or the memory to. Just like if I busy my time away with my girls I won't ever get to make that up either. So my goal and my prayer for this next week, is to not let time get away. I don't expect to be perfect, but one day, one task at a time I will choose the one that I can't get back, the moments that make memories. Here is to you my girls, Mama loves you!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Bob's Birthday Day

Wow, today was an easier day for me. Well of course it was, I met with the cabinet guy in Monroe to pick out cabinets, duh, and what is better than "shopping"? It was over in an hour so Bob said I could run some errands kid free...on his birthday while he watched the kids...I have a good man!

I swung by the dollar store really quick and then went to Ben Franklin. I ordered my "word" of the year in vinyl letters. I got the frame on sale for half off, I think it was $6 but it is cool looking marble like with browns and black so it will match where ever I put it. This is my word in a frame from last year.


 While I was there I got a 16x20 frame that I am going to put our verse of the year in. This is something new I am doing and I feel God gave me the idea while pastor Christian was praying the other day at church. He was thanking God that he loves us no matter what but that some of us are struggling and could he help us to feel his love. It stuck out to me because I know with every fiber of my being that Jesus loves me no matter what, as my mom likes to say "There is nothing you can do to make God love you more and nothing you can do to make him love you less, he just loves you!" but sometimes we struggle because we dont "feel" it. So our verse this year is Romans 8:38-39. I am not expecting all of the kids to have the verse memorized word for word perfectly by the end of the year, but my bet is they will UNDERSTAND what the verse is saying and feel Gods heart for his people and know where to find it in the bible. My plan is to take turns reading it every night at dinner from the frame it will be hanging in by the table somewhere (yet to be determined). I am sure some nights there won't be much talk about it, some nights there will be. It is just a way to get into my kids heads that Jesus loves them no matter what! I made a lot of mistakes after I left home and I want my kids to be equipped with truth when they are no longer under my care to fight off all of the lies in the world. And I want them to know where to find it in the bible when they start to doubt. I am excited about this as I feel God gave me the idea so he has a plan for it!

Random change of subject. I am picking out all of the stuff for the house and tonight I picked some lighting for the girls rooms. My favorite was the babies room. So cute! I love it!


Jorja went to bed at 4:30 tonight so I am hoping she doesn't wake up at 3:30!

Tuesday, always so busy!

Tuesdays seem to be the busiest days around here. Everyday is busy lately but Tuesday's you can barely breathe. This Tuesday was no different. We are in the process (ever so slow process) of building a house. So we met with the electrician this Tuesday. He came to our house instead of us coming to his office. This was by his choice after I said we would be bringing 3 kids with us. Haha! I am not usually a fan of having strangers in my house, especially when they are male (sorry guys!) because of my little girls. BUT Bob was home with me and he has worked with our contractor (who is a trusted friend) for 18+ years. So I made an exception. He was a really nice older guy and i felt very comfortable with him. He knew his stuff and we enjoyed the 2 hours of talking about lights.

While we were doing this the three littles played together. Ellie did a little bit of school work but mainly played. Every time there is playing there will be fighting and Tuesday was no exception. I think they hit a threshold of patient where their bucket empties. This time it was Lucy who flipped and Ellie was in the mix of it of course. Ellie and Lucy are so much a like so they butt heads a lot. Ellie was telling Lucy what to do while playing on Lucy's bed and Lucy wasn't having it because it is her bed and she is in charge on her bed. Lucy was crying and Ellie didn't want her to be rude to the guest in the house so she covered her mouth with her hand. Lucy did like that and bit her.

After he left we had lunch and I let the girls watch a little TV. Why do I do that? They fight or have snotty attitudes when the TV is on more than any other time ever! Grrr. We had to leave for vision therapy for Ellie, she didn't want to turn off the TV, she couldn't find ANY shoes that "felt right" even though she has about 10 pairs of shoes and some days loves them so much she won't take them off. It is so frustrating. It is so hard to get out the door for Ellie. If it isn't her shoes it is her socks, or she forgot something or she doesn't want to go. I don't understand. And it isn't just "Mom, I can't find the right shoes", no it is crying and whining and throwing herself on the floor in frustration. If we are in a rush or running late it is 100 times worse. Even if I have her put all of her stuff (shoes, socks, lunch, toys she wants to take) by the door she always manages to have an issue with something.

She did the best she has done at vision therapy this week though so for that I am proud.

We came home and Tuesday night at our house is when the "boys" come over. Two of our good friends, turned employees, turned family come over for dinner and a movie. Bob and I say we have adopted them (ages 18 and 27) and the girls call them their brothers. So as soon as we got home we started to make cinnamon rolls because Wednesday is Bob's birthday. I was rushing because I hadn't started dinner but need to get the dough started for the rolls for the next morning. Why do I try to do too much in a short amount of time? I should change that. Anyway I was talking on the phone while rushing through the GLUTEN FREE recipe which is more picky than normal recipes. I used the wrong kind of yeast and needless to say had to through all of the dough out and start over.

Not to mention earlier in the day I had an issue with the architect. This is the second time he has been down right rude, he knows his stuff but he has a bit of a temper. I let him know this wasn't acceptable. Not what I wanted to deal with today or any day really. :)

Anyway we had dinner and it was good. I did notice as we were sitting at the table for about 30 minutes after we ate talking that Ellie does insert herself into the conversation I think because she is comfortable with us, but at times she will repeat what other people have said before to make it seem like she understands and knows about what we are talking about when I don't think she clearly does. She often looks at me even she is talking to others to see if what she is saying is right or to get my approval. I am not sure but I just noticed it more at dinner.

Overall it was a good day with a few glitches in there and now the house is thrashed. I have to worry less about that and spend more time with my kids. So much easier said than done, I think I have some OCD!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Oh Monday, why must yoube so mean?

Monday was rough. I woke up in a funk, never a good way to start the day. I also woke up ready to research aspergers syndrome. When I am in the mood to research, it is hard to keep my mind on anything except said research. Normally I hate research but when it is for one of my kids I crave it. Ellie woke up with a bad dream and started the day out crying, never a good start either. She did her math review and VT almost right away, I think it gave me false hope our school day was going to go easy. Expectations. That is what sets us up for failure here. Anyway the rest of school was mixed productivity of my own doing. Like I said before I was trying to research and teach at the same time. The results weren't very good. However we did work on "English" and she is really good at knowing nouns, picking them out of a sentence, saying if they are plural or singular and converting singular to plural. I am proud of her, we hit our first milestone in school yesterday. She did her first work of the year on a piece of paper! I know that sounds cheesy but she doesn't learn like your average kid and would refuse to do school work on paper because of her eye issues. But she did it and didn't complain and got all the answers right. Attitude wise it was rough for her. And the later it got in the day the worse it was. I am not sure what caused that. I think maybe I waited too long to feed her lunch. That is when she flipped out and wanted gluten. It is hard I know when her sisters can have it and she can't. It is hard for me too. The difference is that most of the time she refuses to try the gf alternative so she is left with nothing. I wish I didn't have to restrict her diet but it makes such a huge difference. I left to go volunteer at the school in Abi's class and she was upset. Before I left I told her that if she mopped the floor I would pay her so that seemed to brighten her spirits. As I am about to walk into Abi's class I get a phone call and she is crying hysterically. I ask her to calm down because I can't understand a thing she is saying. She finally calms down enough to tell me she doesn't know how to put the steam mop together and turn it on. I tell her to ask her dad and she says he is in the bathroom and proceeds to have a fit because she doesn't want to wait. I am grand I had that hour away! There was a new series premiere last night of her show. All day long she insisted that it was on demand and she didn't have to wait until 7pm it didn't matter that I showed her the website that said it was at 7 on Monday she knew she was right and was convinced I was stupid, although she didn't call me that. Then her and Abi were in her room playing squinkies. They were playing in there for about 25 mines, it is nice but always ends in a fight, always! So I hear screaming, the door open, Ellie chasing Abi, Ellie slaps Abi on the back and they both start telling me their story. I stop them and Ellie said that they were playing and their "girls" were fighting she decided that she did want that for them so she paused the game and told Abi "let's pretend that didn't happen" to which Abi replies "what didn't happen?" pause right there, Abi is doing on of those word things that lets you know she understood in a cute way, kind of like "don't tell anyone I ate that candy bar" and your friend says "what candy bar?" letting you know basically that they have already forgot. Ellie doesn't understand insinuated things, she takes everything literal. So she starts explaining to Abi in detail what part she wants her to forget. Sometimes Ellie struggles to get her thoughts into words so for Ellie the explanation took a lot of effort on her part. To which Abi says again "what part?" and Ellie comes unglued. She pulls Abi's hair, chafes her down the hall and hits her. Oh the life! I talked with Ellie about hitting, yelling, hair pulling, etc. I had a talk with Abi about how her sisters brain works different. It was a struggle because I am not fully understanding how Ellie's brain works so I did as best as I could. Abi and Bob leave for basketball and things calm down a bit. We eat dinner, homemade gluten free pizza and gluten free dessert pizza for dessert of course. When Abi gets home we get in jammies and watch the season premiere the girls have been looking forward to all day. There is issues with fast forwarding the show because Ellie has the remote and doesn't stop in time when the commercials are over and then Abi says something to her and she gets frustrated and yells mean things. No kids with remotes I think is a good rule. Bedtime comes and Ellie is defiant and won't go. I have to threaten grounding which I hate to always have to come down to something bad, why won't she just obey? Needless to say she didn't get a stamp for good attitude much at all today. By the end of the day I was exhausted. The babies where clinging and whiny most of the day too. I am hoping it was Mondayitis and Tuesday will be better. We meet with the electrician for our new house today at our house, I wonder if he will go crazy?!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sunday January 8th

Today was an okay day. It always is when Ellie goes to play at someone elses house. We just came off a rough Saturday. She spent the night at a friends house on Friday night and had gluten. Will I ever learn? I need to send her food that she can eat. I always feel like I am so high maintenance when I do that. Do I call and ask what they are having for dinner and breakfast and send her something she can eat that is similar? Do families plan a menu during the weekend? I doubt it. So do I send her with gluten free food and just make her yet again be different from what everyone else has? Maybe I should let her chose what she feels like eating so even if it is different she at least likes what she is eating? That is an idea. So anyway when she came home on Saturday she was irritable and cranky. I Attribute that to three things. One she had gluten, two she stayed up late as is standard and expected at sleep overs and three she seems to go into a slight depression after she has playmates/sleepovers with friends. I know it seems weird but I do think she experiences a lull in her attitude. Maybe it is because she was having fun and now has to put up with all of her sisters again. So Sunday she had gotten a good night sleep before and woke up ok. The babies were gone Sunday morning at a friends house and Bob took Abi to church early and we met them there later. So the morning wasa easier than normal. I have learned that she needs a warning for everything under the sun a reward system works the best. So she got ready and started playing on the computer, I have to set the timer for her and let her know I am setting and she has to shut it off when it goes off. That gets her away from her activity and makes the timer the bad guy and not me. She struggled to get out of the house like always even though her shoes were by the door. She forgot to put socks there and it sent her over the edge. Yelling and crying, I got the socks and we were off. She went home with my sister that day after church, they went to Costco she had to get a salad and seemed to do ok with that, probably because she was with her Aunt and not me where she would have complained. She went to bed fairly good Sunday night. So the difference in Saturday and Sunday was sleep, and gluten.

Daily Battle

Life around here is a daily battle lately. Between 5 kids, homeschool, planning for our new house, owning a business, boot camp, cooking, cleaning, playtime, family time, vision therapy, occupational therapy, husband time, alone time, church, extended family time, doctor and dentist appointments, school functions, and the list goes on. How do you fit it all in? You don't! What to cut back on is the battle. Add to that a child who isn't your typical kid it sucks you dry of any emotional energy you may have had and that makes the battle even bigger. Now I am not complaining, I am grateful for my life, my 5 kids and even my even draining child with special needs. There I said it. She is a special needs child. I have always felt bad for saying that because I have always pictured special needs kids as down syndrome, why I am not sure. I don't want to minimize the struggle that families with down syndrome have, I have no clue what it is like, but at times I think it would be a slight bit easier because people know what down syndrome is and can empathize better with children and parents of down syndrome kids. My kid has sensory processing disorder. All of this is explained in my previous blog. Not to be rude but I don't feel like explaining it again. Let me just say that she was diagnosed this summer after me just really not likening her for 4 years. Mean. Horrible. Bad mom. I know...but I have to be honest. We have gone through steps to have her diagnosed so that we can learn how she ticks to help her in life and make life a little easier for her. Don't get me wrong I love her with all of my heart, but sometimes she is hard to like. Again I am not complaining, I have had many trials in life, some were just the cards I was dealt and lots were through my own stupid decisions. All of them God has used for his glory and shaped me into who I am today, and for that I wouldn't go back and change one of them. So for the next while this blog is going to be my journal. I know there are things that I am doing well with Ellie and things that I need to work on. My hope, prayer really is that by journaling each day here on this blog I will see patterns of behavior in both her and I that I have overlooked. I am hoping to see where things have gone well and maybe I was to exhausted to notice. Or progress we have made that I wouldn't have seen if I didn't chronicle it somewhere. You get the point. My pastor at church (Canyoncreekonline.com) yesterday said that God can use the temporal for the eternal. Maybe that is his plan here. I am not sure but I know he has a plan for me and my sweet Ellie Mae. So you have been warned and I don't blame you if you don't read my blog again, this is more for me than you, selfish I know but sometimes that is what it takes.